learning

I have been neglecting this blog space. I am sorry for those of you who look here regularly to see how to pray and know what is doing in my life. I mist admit that life has been hard lately and I have not been living as if God is as big as He is. There have been many many blessings despite my unbelief. It is not that I have walked away from God or anything. It is just that I am allowing my circumstances to affect me too much. When it seems like a never ending sea of hurt around me and things happen not as I want them too, I get down and I lose my joy. I want to be gracious in the midst of tough circumstances and not let m emotions get so out of control. I know that it is okay to have emotions but the emotion that comes out most is anger or frustration that things are not going as planned or God is not coming through like I want him too. I know that all these things are in my life to make me more like Christ in the end. I am trying to be more like Paul in Philippians. I know it is an over used scripture.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:11-13

I have used this scripture much and I have been annoyed when it is taken out of context but it is the cry of my heart these days when so much is going on in life and it seems overwhelming and we want to fix things or see people not hurt anymore or truly rest in the knowledge of who God is and how big He is. I want also be like Abraham who had so much faith in God and His promises that His life showed it.

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” Rom 4:20-21

I want to be the type of person who in the midst of trials and hard moment’s people to see joy and faith in my life, not anger and sadness because things aren’t going my way. I want my faith in the promises of God to be the circumstance of life that my emotions follow.

PSALM 145
I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom

One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate;
slow to anger and rich in love.

The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might, so that all men may know
of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

breaking point

I am not sure how to start this post. I am coming to a breaking point. Life has been up and down lately. God has been teaching me so many things. Most of all He has been breaking me of the pride within myself. I grew up thinking that I could take care of myself, I could provide for myself, I could take care of myself and it’s all about me. I am so wrong in so many ways in this thinking. Growing up in a bigger family you fend for yourself some times because there are multiple people who need attention and care.

God has been working on me and the notion that I can do it by myself. He has brought me to a place where He has called me to fully rely on Him for all my needs, financial, emotional, and spiritually; to walk by faith. He calls us all to do that in different ways. I am sure some of you could point out other areas of pride in me but God is specifically working on this area right now.

I have been given many gifts in the past 5 months from many different people. I am so grateful for all the gifts given to me. It is nice to get gifts but when they come all the time and when they are your means of life it gets to be overwhelming, you being to feel like charity. This lilifestyles not easy but it is helping me learn to fully accept God’s grace. I remember reading in Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller about Grace: The Beggar’s Kingdom.

“It seemed wrong for me not to have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around. More than that, grace did not seem like the thing I was looking for. It was too easy. I wanted to feel as though I earned my forgiveness, as though God and I were buddies doing favors for each other.” He continues on to tell a story about encountering a woman in a store using food stamps to pay for her food. He had thoughts of how she was feeling and how he viewed people in ‘need’. He came to the conclusion that, “I love giving to charity, but I don’t want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace.”

As I walk by faith it is not that I expect people to come along side me and give gifts or money to me. Asking for help is very hard, and humbling to say the least. God has been showing me his grace in more ways then by simply forgiving my sins but by bringing me to a point where I can’t do anything apart from his love, grace and provision. I have always been able to work for my wages and in my relationship with God I can not work to earn His love and grace because I already have it. I know that Miller was talking about sin but I think many of us can relate to these thoughts of being forgiven of your sins, but what if God’s grace seeped into other parts of your life besides your sin? God's grace is already there but what if we began to live like His grace wasn't just covering our sin but covering US.

I feel like these truths are natural for the normal Christian and I feel odd writing about it but I know that I am being broken and experiencing His grace and love on a new level today.

amazed

Last weekend, Thursday 'till Saturday we had 2 different youth groups in. The time we shared was amazing. We had more kids than we could have hoped for. It was a really good two days of wRap Kidz. We had 65ish on Thursday in the rain showers and 50ish on Friday in the cold. Friday morning we gave 20 different enough hats and gloves for everyone and a bundle of books. It was fun to see the kids wearing their new gear to play in the afternoon. We also did our first movie night on Thursday and it was a huge success. The weather was not on our side all day Thursday but we had about 30 kids come out in the rain to walk to the Lazarus House on Thursday night to watch Over the Hedge with us.

It was a really good couple of days I am so grateful these two youth leaders wanted to come for those couple of days. I believe it really encouraged the community after the events of the week before. It helped them see we are here for the long haul and a shooting isn't going to send us packing. God is so good!