Lately, I have been super motivated to go for a walk; I have gone for about 5 now. They have been great. I have been feeling very good about myself physically and it is helping me process some things.
Today, the scenery was breath taking. I wasn’t walking along a beach on the ocean or in an incredible forest but along the beach walk in
The contrast to these pictures seems so different yet so familiar, because as I walked I thought about myself. My life is like the earth moving in and out of ‘storms.’ There are some people who are going through storms and can be like the picture today in the midst of there storms. There is a part of me that desires to be like them able to hold there head high and let there emotions be ones of joy in the midst of sorrow. The other side wonders if that can truly be. I have had my fair share of storms, some people are amazed at the amount, I have tried so hard to keep my head held high and walk through them. There are moments when I can do nothing but crawl my way along feeling for the side for some guidance. During these times I struggle desperately to have joy in the midst of pain. No matter what I have done I can not seem to be like the other people whom I long to be like, but I wonder if that is really what I am striving for. I am not judging but when really crappy things happen and you are all alone with God in your closet you don’t run around skipping so why do that when others are around. I am not saying that you should mop around like the fog (although I will admit I have done that) but there is a moments to be realistic and find the balance. In the moments of crawling and being alone in the closet there is freshness in being real with God about not understanding and hurting. It is in that honesty that you can feel the precious words of our Father touching those hurts and bringing clarity. I know there is a balance between the two; I am trying to find that more and more. People tell me and I know, I wear my heart on my sleeve, ‘When Katee isn’t happy ain’t nobody happy.’ It is like the song when you’re up you’re up and when you’re down you’re down, this is true, this is how I feel. I am either up or down there is not much middle ground, today I think I have found some middle ground.
I know that God has brought each one of these storms to my life and He has brought me through them making me stronger on the other side. I am not saying I want to change who I am but I am striving to hold on to the hope better in the midst of storms.