my provision

i am not sure how to start this blog there is much i want to say and i want to be funny for some reason at 7:39am. i will refrain.

i was in this bible study this summer learning about jewish roots. it is a rich study, very rich! there is so much i have gained from the teaching. i believe it was our first night way back when. about 3 people showed up other than mark and i. i was a bit annoyed because of it and i was only there because i 'had' to be. i didn't have to go but i did. the lesson was on standing stones. the israelites used to erect these massive stones to mark a spot. they were not your normal stone they were almost rectangular in shape the would stand them on end so everyone could see them. they were stones that were not to be moved. each stone in each different location was a sign post of what God had done in that place. then each time someone would pass by it they could ask, "what is that for?" and the people could tell them what God had done.

i know that our lives should be standing stones so that when people encounter us they ask, "what is that ... (attitude, joy, hope, peace) for?" and we can share the relationship we have with Christ. i went home feeling like i would like to build my own little land and begin to put standing stones in it for each time God does something for me. i realize this is somewhat silly because God is constantly providing for my every need. but in some ways the things happening to me seem abnormal to the rest of the world. i know that this is how my life should be and 80% of the time (i will be honest here) i do not wish it were any other way. there are moments of selfishness, if there weren't i might be worried because that is not normal.

some of my recent standing stones are...
-back in april or may i received word that the church i attended would support me financially, God is still working on this one.
-God has provided the most amazing apartment and things to make it function and look like a really apartment and not a dorm room or sorts. i love where i live!
-God has spoke to people to pray for me
-God has provided all my needs according to his riches and glory.

he has provide my needs differently than i had expected. there is a group of people who have given me all of what i have right now. my small groups leaders gave me a check for $100 which was what i needed to finish paying my bills for July. the next week, about a month ago, I got up in the morning and there was an envelop for me. i thought this was odd because i had not given out my new address, only to my small group and the letter was from church. i began to open the envelop and out fell a bunch of gift cards. over $400. oh the tears came. last week i was at for membership classes which is a miracle in itself. and the person teaching it told me to bring my bills to them and they would pay them for the month of Aug. knowing i had a meeting the next night to find out how Grace would be supporting me financially. i still do not know about that.
then again just recently God spoke to them again, and they sent to me by special delivery another set of gift cards about$300.

God is so faithful. people get on me for not being really excited when these things happen. it is not that i am not excited, oh i am grateful. but it is one of the most humbling experiences thus far in my life. i look at who i am and my sin and i wonder why do you chose me God. i know the answer is that he loves me and Zeph. 3:17 says, "the Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." I know this is true because of these people. God takes delight in providing my needs, he loves it! each time his provision comes i am reminded that i can do nothing apart from him, he is my all. my job is to remain in him.

this space could be my standing stones garden. there are so many ways God has shown me who he is.

streets

the stories continue to be created everyday. i wish i could write them all down some are amazing and others break your heart. my friend jamel continues to steal my heart along with 4 other six year old boys. their hearts are so tender and hurt. jamel is on the far left with the light blue shirt on. isaiah is next to me in red and caleb is next to him.

caleb comes everyday, his big brother has been coming to wRap Kidz for years, and caleb is finally old enough to come. sometimes he makes it to bible story, sometimes snack and on a few days he makes it for the full two hours. we do send kids home if they are not participating because it affects all the kids. kids want to be here so they usually get sent home only once and then they are back for good. they do not want to go home.

isaiah is the youngest of 5 brothers and sisters. he is so cute, oh my word! the whole family is beautiful. i have made some really good connections with this family and the mom anesha. a church sent 3 of the older kids to VCBC for junior camp when mark spoke. it was a very stretching week for anesha having 3 of her babies in iowa for a week. but it was a good bonding time for her and i as i checked in on her. isaiah and caleb live across the street from each other they are best buds and worst enemies in the same day!

jamel, i have written a little about him before, but he is an amazing kid. jamel walks the streets almost all day long by himself, he is 6 years old. sometimes he has his bike and other times he is just walking in shoes we would have thrown out years ago. jamel often comes by the Lazarus House long before wRap Kidz just to see what is going on there. last week we had a mission team who was working on the fence in front of the property. jamel came by, he wanted to help. we do not let kids come early because it usually causes a problem, so ron sent jamel home. donna walked him home, she began to talk to him. she learned that he doesn't get breakfast unless he walks to the King center which is about 4 blocks away, on that particular day it was closed. she also learned that he just hangs out on the streets alone most of the time. in the house jamel lives there are 11 kids signed up to come to wRap Kidz, about 5 or 6 come on a regular basis. jamel doesn't really seem a part of this group of siblings and cousins. they don't talk to each other or look out for him the way they do the other young ones. ron went home to eat lunch after sending jamel home. he talk to God about sending jamel home and the Lord told him that we needed to be there for jamel. as he was sharing all of this with us durning our prayer time after lunch. he told us that if jamel comes around he can stay and 'work' with us and we'll give him breakfast and lunch on those days. about 3 minuets later jamel came back wondering if wRap kidz was starting, it was truly a God thing. we still had to pray and jamel stayed with us during that itme, we got him some lunch. ron talked to him and told him that he was wrong in sending him home and he can come and play with us anytime we are out but that it was special thing just for him. jamel comes around often now. it was either that day or the next we shared the gospel witht he kids and asked them if they wanted to be jesus' friend. jamel did and then he prayed and said, "i love you God, thanks for being my friend." so sweet precious prayers of a hurting nelegected child who longs to be loved. we were talking with the 1 st and 2nd grade small group and jamel began to ask how big God is. we shared ideas and i told them he was bigger than the sky and the lazarus house. then he looked at me and said, "God is so big that he gave us a heart to love him." jamel is beginning to get it and understand that God loves him and is always there for him when he is walking the streets alone day after day.

do i really get that? oh these kids challenge me to be grateful for what i have and to seek out the Lord because he is all they have. he is really all i have too but do i live like that?

been awhile

well, it has been a few weeks or rather almost maybe a month. life has been going well. it has it's moments but i am confident the adjustment is well under way and may be over soon. i started my job with the kids and cleaning up the neighborhoods, i love my job. when i am not there i just want to be there. it is amazing. i know part of that is the fascination of a new job but more than that i am where God wants me to be and that makes getting up in the morning a lot easier. i have already seen a change in the kids from day to day.

one little kid, jamel, is very cute. jamel is 6 and lives in a crack house. the first couple of days he was very tough and didn't want to play the 'kid' games. i tried to talk to him but the outer shell seemed rough. i had the chance to walk him home the next day he held my hand the whole way. when we got to his house he gave me a hug and asked, "you gonna be there tomorrow?" as i said "yes" a big smile spread across his face and he went in the house. jamel continues to come back everyday. somedays the attitude is worse than others and other days he is soft and tender. it makes me wonder what happens while he is at home to make him so mad. is he abused in some way on those nights or mornings. he always gives me a hug now, willingly i rarely have to ask for one anymore. the other day he came and he had the biggest belt buckle i have ever seen on a 6 year old it was as big as my fist, with some silver bling. that's my friend jamel.

God has continued to be so faithful in providing financially for me. grace will be providing some funds, but not covering all. i was a little bummed when i heard it but i also knew that would be too easy, if i am walking by faith. the same day i found this out God spoke to friends of mine and i got a check for $100 and then a week later in my mail was over $400 in gift cards for gas, food, and fun. God is very good. he takes care of my every need.