my provision

i am not sure how to start this blog there is much i want to say and i want to be funny for some reason at 7:39am. i will refrain.

i was in this bible study this summer learning about jewish roots. it is a rich study, very rich! there is so much i have gained from the teaching. i believe it was our first night way back when. about 3 people showed up other than mark and i. i was a bit annoyed because of it and i was only there because i 'had' to be. i didn't have to go but i did. the lesson was on standing stones. the israelites used to erect these massive stones to mark a spot. they were not your normal stone they were almost rectangular in shape the would stand them on end so everyone could see them. they were stones that were not to be moved. each stone in each different location was a sign post of what God had done in that place. then each time someone would pass by it they could ask, "what is that for?" and the people could tell them what God had done.

i know that our lives should be standing stones so that when people encounter us they ask, "what is that ... (attitude, joy, hope, peace) for?" and we can share the relationship we have with Christ. i went home feeling like i would like to build my own little land and begin to put standing stones in it for each time God does something for me. i realize this is somewhat silly because God is constantly providing for my every need. but in some ways the things happening to me seem abnormal to the rest of the world. i know that this is how my life should be and 80% of the time (i will be honest here) i do not wish it were any other way. there are moments of selfishness, if there weren't i might be worried because that is not normal.

some of my recent standing stones are...
-back in april or may i received word that the church i attended would support me financially, God is still working on this one.
-God has provided the most amazing apartment and things to make it function and look like a really apartment and not a dorm room or sorts. i love where i live!
-God has spoke to people to pray for me
-God has provided all my needs according to his riches and glory.

he has provide my needs differently than i had expected. there is a group of people who have given me all of what i have right now. my small groups leaders gave me a check for $100 which was what i needed to finish paying my bills for July. the next week, about a month ago, I got up in the morning and there was an envelop for me. i thought this was odd because i had not given out my new address, only to my small group and the letter was from church. i began to open the envelop and out fell a bunch of gift cards. over $400. oh the tears came. last week i was at for membership classes which is a miracle in itself. and the person teaching it told me to bring my bills to them and they would pay them for the month of Aug. knowing i had a meeting the next night to find out how Grace would be supporting me financially. i still do not know about that.
then again just recently God spoke to them again, and they sent to me by special delivery another set of gift cards about$300.

God is so faithful. people get on me for not being really excited when these things happen. it is not that i am not excited, oh i am grateful. but it is one of the most humbling experiences thus far in my life. i look at who i am and my sin and i wonder why do you chose me God. i know the answer is that he loves me and Zeph. 3:17 says, "the Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." I know this is true because of these people. God takes delight in providing my needs, he loves it! each time his provision comes i am reminded that i can do nothing apart from him, he is my all. my job is to remain in him.

this space could be my standing stones garden. there are so many ways God has shown me who he is.