What about the weather?

Lately, I have been super motivated to go for a walk; I have gone for about 5 now. They have been great. I have been feeling very good about myself physically and it is helping me process some things.

Today, the scenery was breath taking. I wasn’t walking along a beach on the ocean or in an incredible forest but along the beach walk in Racine. The sky was the deepest hue of blue and the water was never ending or so it seemed. As I was looking out on to the water the horizon seemed to bend up into the air. Normally on a clear day the horizon seems to drop of at the ‘end’. But as I studied it for a moment, I realized that it was the icky weather from yesterday, the drizzle and fog, drifting off to MI. As, I thought about that picture which sticks so clear in my mind, the water going on and the dark clouds so far in the distance, I began to think about my ‘storms’ as we so often refer to them in the Christian world. I wonder if my life looks like that with the most recent storms off in the distance, they are not over us but we can remember the feelings they brought up and the hurt they may have ensued, we, people can see them in the distance when they look at us. I had gone for a walk yesterday, by the end my eyes were watering from the wind, my ears hurt from the cold, my nose was running but I was sweating because of the workout I had just been through. As, I saw the clouds in the distance I remembered how horrible my walk yesterday was, it was less enjoyable even difficult at times fighting against the wind. The earth yesterday drab in color and weak in feeling because this heavy fog lay upon it, the distance was so close because the fog made it so. Today, my walk was uplifting and enjoyable. The earth seemed bright and strong; at moments my eyes seemed to capture breath taking views, so crisp and clear. The distance was unattainable because it went on forever it seemed.

The contrast to these pictures seems so different yet so familiar, because as I walked I thought about myself. My life is like the earth moving in and out of ‘storms.’ There are some people who are going through storms and can be like the picture today in the midst of there storms. There is a part of me that desires to be like them able to hold there head high and let there emotions be ones of joy in the midst of sorrow. The other side wonders if that can truly be. I have had my fair share of storms, some people are amazed at the amount, I have tried so hard to keep my head held high and walk through them. There are moments when I can do nothing but crawl my way along feeling for the side for some guidance. During these times I struggle desperately to have joy in the midst of pain. No matter what I have done I can not seem to be like the other people whom I long to be like, but I wonder if that is really what I am striving for. I am not judging but when really crappy things happen and you are all alone with God in your closet you don’t run around skipping so why do that when others are around. I am not saying that you should mop around like the fog (although I will admit I have done that) but there is a moments to be realistic and find the balance. In the moments of crawling and being alone in the closet there is freshness in being real with God about not understanding and hurting. It is in that honesty that you can feel the precious words of our Father touching those hurts and bringing clarity. I know there is a balance between the two; I am trying to find that more and more. People tell me and I know, I wear my heart on my sleeve, ‘When Katee isn’t happy ain’t nobody happy.’ It is like the song when you’re up you’re up and when you’re down you’re down, this is true, this is how I feel. I am either up or down there is not much middle ground, today I think I have found some middle ground.

I know that God has brought each one of these storms to my life and He has brought me through them making me stronger on the other side. I am not saying I want to change who I am but I am striving to hold on to the hope better in the midst of storms.

I won't back down

Lately it seems like the world has been crashing down around me. There has been much pain. Everything I touch or am apart seems to be being attacked. I will not stand for it. The spiritual warfare around me is so thick but I know that despite it all God is victorious. I will not back down from what He has called me to do to please people who think my life should look different. I know as I have said before that my life looks different to so many people but even in the midst of hurt and pain i know the Lord is right beside me. I will not back down....

Won't Back Down Lyrics by Mat Kearney

You woke the morning up
Running off the darkest night
The longest light I've seen

Here goes a chance I know
Cashing in on all my chips
Let all my ships come fly

These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of your ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And your light, found my bottle in the night
Kept me in this fight, gave me second life

And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid ground

You found me once and for all
I laid it down in the sinking ground
The hopeless undertow

Singing out the gentle sound
Rattling through my smoking screens
My broken dreams last night

Hallelujah ripped through my veins
I heard the hammer drop
My blood in the rain
Hallelujah came like a train
When all is lost
All is left to gain

Hallelujah

Things that make me go :)

I know that some of you come on here regularly to check but lately there hasn't been much good to say. Not that God is not working I just feel like I am in a time and place where things have been tough and I am learning a lot. A long time ago I was challenged to make a list of things I love. In order to look on the bright side I am going to do it again…
(if you want to look back at it, it was feb. 2006 called Heading the Challenge)

April Fools
Architecture
Asparagus
Authenticity
Babies
Being random
Being held
Being loved
Being Stretched
Books
Blue Cheese
Bubble Baths
Burt’s Bees Lip Balm
Camping
Celebrating today (jw)
Coffee dates
Creation
Culture
Decorating
Dinner parties
Door County
Down Comforters
Dressing Up
Driving
Eating
Encouragement Cards
End of the day
Faith
Fall
Flip flops
Flowers from Mark
Frank Lloyd Wright
Fudge
Game Shows
Getting lost in a book
Gift Cards
Going out to eat
Going to the zoo in the winter
Grandmas and Grandpas
Growing into a better person
Hair Cuts
Having Dinner made for me
Holidays
Hugs that go on
Ice Cream
Integrity
Journaling
Kisses
Laughing
Letting Go
Little Michael
Long sleeve t-shirts
Loving
Mark
Michael Buble’
Mountains
My Family
My Parents house
New friends
New Recipes’
Oceans
Olay Ribbons body wash
Older couples holding hands
Old Friends
Organization
Pictures
Piggy banks
Play time
Playing in the rain
Prayer
Price is Right with Bob Barker
Quiet time
Random adventures
Road trips
Salt water taffy
Scrap booking
Sharpies
Sleeping
Smell before it rains
Smiles
Snow pants
Spring
Steak
Sunshine
Sunsets
Surprises
Talking
The look in a child’s eyes when they feel love
Truth
Tulips
Umbrellas
Vacation
Video Cameras capturing moments
Visiting old friends
Walking in puddles
Walking with Friends
West Wing
Wine
Worship Music
YOU

first week

Our first week went pretty well. We had training and then on Thursday we began wRap Kidz on Thursday. Our Marquette Park site was great both days. We had a great amount of kids coming and more coming each day. At that site we have a family that comes every day the mom, Rachel will be helping us with game time.

Our new site at The King Community Center, was crazy both days. We did not really know what to expect with this site. We are doing it at a park next to the center, the park is not part of the King Center. There are day care groups that come to the park and the center uses the park also. So, it was a bit of chaos both days trying to work around these other groups. We are praying about what we are supposed to do with this situation, we are only able to do it on Thursday and Fridays. It is a little hard to decided what we should do, whether we move it back to the Lazarus House. In addition to the other issues there is a little issue of safety at the King Center because older kids are around and such. We just need a lot of prayer as to what God wants.

Other prayer matters: we are trying to work with the interns who have been around for a few years understand the new changes (nobody likes change), our communication to the new head interns so we can help them develop and take the leadership, and lastly out groups that are coming in that we would be one as a body for the time they are here.

getting started

Well, we are just about to get under way with our summer. Our first day of wRap Kidz is next Thursday. We are getting so excited to get started this summer. We have many new things we are doing this summer and we have been planning and are ready to get going and try these things to see what works. Our training is on Monday thru Wednesday next and we are looking forward to see who shows up for interns.

I know this is a short post but we have been so crazy busy.

fire house

Yesterday we met as a staff as we usually do on Thursdays. It was really good to be together again, things have been conflicting and one of us can not make it or has to leave early. We fellowshipped and ate lunch together. We shared how God was moving and people shared about what he was doing and someone said they didn’t want be as involved with Wrap Kidz as they had been but felt called to pray. We affirmed her over and over, we need such daily prayer coverage. I also stepped up with some God had been laying on my heart to take on more of the administrative stuff because the person who was doing it was finding no joy in it. They joyfully gave it over. It felt amazing for people to be in positions God wanted them and equipped them to be in. As we began to talk about praying we decided to take a walk outside and pray in the neighborhood. We walked over to Marquette Park, one of our sites for Wrap Kidz. We prayed on the grounds for our neighbors there and for the kids who would come to be loved this summer and God moved. Right next to the park there is a fire house; it is city property that will be now used for community work. We have been praying for this building for about a year and different things have happened postponing us being able to use the building. About a month ago we began praying more fervently that God would again get the balling rolling that we would be able to use the building this summer for Wrap kids. We prayed over the building yesterday. This morning our co-founder signed the paper, the building is almost ours. We will be sharing with two other organizations that are doing work in the community.

In addition to this answer to prayer, God is doing something else. We have been praying for our interns for the summer, many of you have been praying as well. One of our prayer requests has been for the finances for these students as many of them are in position that they need to get jobs and pay for their lives. So, we have been praying for God to provide for this however he wants to, whether it is a job that coordinates with the hours of Wrap kids or Him providing through people as he does with staff. While our co-founder was at city hall this morning signing papers, the Mayor asked him some questions about what we do. Then asked that we write up our program and what life skills we a building into the kids and that he has some money to give us, $20,000. We would be able to use this money to pay our staff and interns. Praise God.

I am working on putting into writing what we do. Please pray that I would get it done and be able to articulate what we do in a way giving God glory and the details we need to get this grant. Also, pray that the other two organizations sign the papers soon so that we can has use of the fire house. We need to continue to pray ever though we see the answers.

update

It was about one year ago this month that I decided to make the move down to Racine and work with the Lazarus House. It is amazing to think that it has only been a year. It feels longer than that because I have seen the Lord do things I could have only dreamed a year ago. I know I walked into this path with my eyes only half open, honestly in the months before moving I didn’t fret about where the money would come from or how I would make it this past year. I am not sure what I thought would happen and I am not going to say that I fully trusted God; I know I had sketches of plans A, B, and C in my head. I couldn’t tell you what they were but I am sure I had some. As summer hit and I began to run out of the $2,000 I had saved to live off of ‘just in case’. I began to struggle with spending any money because I was unsure where the next amount was coming from. I began to freak out about how I could pay bills and have dollars in my bank account knowing rent would again be due on the 1^st. Then the Lord showed up. Or should I say I finally let Him take over and I began to see His majesty on display in each moment of my life. The blessings (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) were clear and I could not believe this was how I was called to live, what a privilege. In the last year I have: felt tremendous healing from suffering in my life, developed an openness to be in deep relationships again, mended current relationships damaged in the midst hurt, found a compassion I never knew I could feel for people whom are often shed in a negative light and cast aside, a new sense of wonder and awe as I am allowed to serve my creator, been provided material provision over my every need and many of my wants and seen thousands of answered prayers of my own, the ministry, and you. This letter could and should go on for pages. I want to share with you some miracles that only God could do this past year.

· $3115.92 for 12 months of Rent

· $776 for my cell phone

· $1512 towards my student loan

· A year membership to Curves for me to work out, paid in full by a dear friend

· $1300 in a variety of Gift Cards, money to pamper myself, money for dates for Mark and I

· A trip to DC to visit a dear friend and a trip to Atlanta for Passion ‘07

These financial provisions don’t include food, car expenses and a variety of other things! These are just the tip of the iceberg; I start with these because they are tangible and we often thank God for the good moments and the physical blessings, because they are easy to see.

Other blessings are: I am able to part of a staff that is more like a family. I have seen ministry miracles of financial provision after provision. We have seen God drawing the board and the staff on its way to being one body. God brought a plumber to us we have never met willing to do the work at a discounted price. We have recently cleaned out the building of things we have no need for much of it out dated and broken. Each time we go out into the community we are witness to numerous doors being opened and welcomed with hugs and smiles. There is no reason people welcome us other than God. God is also opening door among this city to allow us to use public parks to do Wrap Kidz in the summer, this summer we will be in two parks. We are witness to His strength when the days are long, tough. We are beginning to see more churches and individuals in our local community being open to the ministry and the neighborhood.

Being able to see God move in such a powerful way has broadened my view of who He is and draws me deeper in relationship with Him. We as a staff are adjusting many ‘programs’ because we see Him moving us to a new level ministry. We have always been a relational ministry with this neighborhood, but as God shows us more of his plan we need to move with it. We are in the midst going deeper on many levels with Wrap Kidz, youth mission teams, our interns, and the relationships God wants us to have in this neighborhood. It is an exciting time as we learn more of Gods heart. We are gearing up for a wonderful summer filled with 8 weeks of Wrap Kidz, 6 different youth teams, a new middle school program and intern spiritual formation time.

In addition to all of these preparations God has been teaching me so much. Lately, He has been teaching me about His gospel, the whole gospel. I am coming to really understand what I have known for awhile that the gospel is two fold, the salvation gospel and the social gospel, or being reconciled to God and being reconciled to man. Many of us have heard both but one is usually stressed more than the other. I think so often we embrace the salvation part and the social part of it is much too big for us or we think we are accomplishing it because we try to love those we work with or don’t get along with. When asked about the greatest commandment Jesus gives two of them, to love God and love your neighbor. We often say to love your neighbor as yourself but have we really thought about that kind of love and who our neighbors are? We have been reading a book as a staff called More than Equals. It is incredible and is truly changing the way I think about these things. Even though I work in the inner city many of our relationships with the people are not that strong (I know it takes time), but I have been here a year and have failed to make distinguishable friendships with any of my neighbors. Everyone is welcoming, yet we have not shared in meals together or done much together outside of us giving the ‘stuff’ or helping them out. These things are not wrong at all but my neighbors are so much more than simply needing things. I need their love and friendship in order to experience God fully and to embrace the whole gospel. In order to make disciples I must not simply be friends with people who look or act just like me but with people who do not. We bring people into relationship with God by loving those who are not like us. As I have been challenged with these thoughts I want to do something immediately, but I have realized that each moment I interact with someone else I am sharing the gospel with them if it truly a part of my DNA.

I know I got a little preachy at the end but the last few months have been more about God shaping me to more effectively live my life and be in ministry. Thank you so much for your support, I am humbled to be the subject of your prayers to our heavenly Father.

$1500, a dumpster, and Jamel

Well this week has been very eventful in my life. I have been struggling on how to share it because I feel like I am simply praising God because good things happen and I don’t like that. My faith is so much more than simply praise in the good times, I praise in the bad times in fact that is the only thing I want to do when I am having a bad day, but I don’t always feel like writing about those days in this blog. Sometimes I do share the ick but not this week.

The week began well knowing that at the end of the week 2 of my best friends in Racine would be leaving on the next leg of the journey in this life. On Tuesday I was at home in the afternoon helping Mark get his Chia Herb garden together. My phone rings and Donna shares with me that there is checking waiting for me for $1,500.00. I was excited and the people in the room with me didn’t need a briefing on the conversation because they heard every word loud and clear form both ends on the phone. This was a huge blessing, that morning I had paid rent and then prayed, “Lord you know my living situation is changing as of May 31^st and I have more bills due in the next couple weeks, do what you gotta do!” About an hour later I received this phone call, the miracle was already on the way prior to my prayer!

Yesterday was Saturday and we had a work/cleaning day at the Lazarus House. We filled a 30 cubic foot dumpster, the kind the use when they are gutting a house. I don’t just mean full but we are inches from the do not fill past this line. After much prayer and God’s wisdom we felt it was necessary to do this, we gave a lot of good stuff to Habitat Restore, and gave 9 appliances to a scrap guy in the neighborhood who will be able to make some money off of them. You the pick up trucks with scrap metal balanced up way past the cab, that’s who came and picked it up. But we are glad to be supporting the local economy. We had a small group from Waukesha come and do most the work along with a few random friends and Katy’s mom. It was a great day of bonding and CLEANING! If you have seen the building prior to Dec. 1^st 2006, you should come back and see it now, it is amazing. I believe that all of us as staff walked away feeling like a huge wait was lifted off of us and building. Mark said as we left, “I feel like I can breath in the building again!” We also were able to bless some families in the neighborhood with blankets, sleeping bags, treat bags, Easter baskets, and other random things as we cleaned yesterday.

As we were wrapping up for the day Jamel came by, he is my friend form the summer. It has been an interesting year as we get to see him every Monday and Tuesday morning as the school we go to and eat breakfast with the kids. You can tell the weekend it was rough from Jamel because Monday is not a happy day for him, sometimes he walks by without a ‘hi’ or a smile others he comes running up because he can’t wait to see us. When Jamel was by yesterday he asked about when Wrap Kidz is starting again. He had a friend with him who told me Jamel was telling lies as they walked over. Stories of how he would come and play legos with us, each lunch with us on a picnic table out back, and do yard work. His friend didn’t believe Jamel until he told the ‘lies’ Jamel told and I said, ‘Yeah those are true, Jamel hung out with us a lot.” The friend was quiet and then said, “Let’s go Mel!” Jamel said, “You can go I am going to stay here.”

It has been a good week. I can’t imagine what God has in store for next week. Even if it is not as amazing as this week, which I am sure it could be, I will still praise him.

Snot

So I am sick. I simply have a cold nothing big but it is annoying. I have been finally blowing my nose for about the last 16 hours. Don't get me wrong I am grateful that I am able to blow my nose and it isn't all stuffed up. But seriously I can not believe how much snot keeps coming out blow after blow. I know this is gross but I am just wondering where it all comes from.

must see

Amazing Grace: The Movie - The Official Movie Website

I never do movie plugs but this is a must see by all of you! It is very well done and the story is passionate and moving. It leaves you with the thought that you can make a difference and it may not be easy but we all hold the ablitiy to do it.

It is so moving so take some time and go see this movie.

That you MY KING would die for me!

I can't seem to keep up with life via my blog. It seems days go by and by but none go past without thinking ooh that would be a good blog. I have so many good entries in my head that never make it to this space. You may be glad that you don't have to read all of my thoughts.

I have been reminded lately through so many different places of how my relationship with God began and who was there and the moments in the beginning. Oh I am so grateful for those people who helped answer so many questions and simply encourage me along the way. I was in a class and we were talking about forgiveness and remembering the gratitude when you realize your sinfulness and truly how much Christ took upon the cross for us. I recalled the first moment I felt this surge of gratitude, we were on a winter retreat in a cabin in northern WI. We simply were hanging out with each other, there were probably 25 of us not too many and one night we had a time of worship, we sang Amazing Love. Some of the lyrics are as follows: Amazing love how can it be that you my king would die for me. This was the line that caught me and brought me to a place of gratitude for Christ death on the cross to forgive my sins. 'That you MY KING would die for me'. I remember at the end of the song blurting something out to everyone wanting them to experience the rush of emotion I was feeling and the grace that was falling down like rain upon me.

As, we are in this season of Lent I am looking forward to celebrating the death and Resurrection of my King once again this year. The newness that I feel each and every day because of his obedience to the Father. I know that I personally take so many things for granted my relationship with God is so easy to take for granted because of my selfishness. I often fail to feel the gratitude of being forgiven so much because I fail to see the depth of my sin. I know so often I walk around as if life is grand without a care in the world because I am a Christian and I give off this air that things are all in place because I am in a relationship with God. This is not an intentional thing I do but getting so comfy cozy with my life and how I have been blessed I don't think about how truly sinful I am. I have been reading in Leviticus (part of reading the Bible in a year) about all the offerings God required and when they must be offered to atone for different sins. There are offerings and God starts out says, "When a person sins UN-intentionally by straying from any of the commands of God, breaking that which must not be broken...when they realize it and become guilty(convicted) even though no one is aware... they should do X,Y, and Z with the priest to make atonement for their sin." Most of the time the sacrifice required an animal and then a whole sacrificial offering afterwards. My thoughts when reading this was I would have no animals left or time to take care of them because I would constantly be in the Altar making sacrifice to atone for my sins. I once again was filled with gratitude for the sacrifice Christ gave on the cross and the shed blood of a perfect Lamb of God for all of my sins. This Lent, I have been intentionally setting time aside to seek Him and once again be brought back to the depth of my unholiness apart from Christ in order to rejoice with gratitude and joy that My King would chose to save my from my sin and then use me in others lives. What a blessing to be used by him. I don't want to wallow in the gravity of my sin because I am made holy by God but we wash over this truth so often in the church because it is hard to live with a good balance of understanding the depth of our sinfulness and the unending grace God lavishes upon us time after time after time!

Again

Well this is something 2 posts in less than 24 hours. I have just added some links on the sidebar fro the Lazarus House. One is for our myspace account, you don't need to have an account to view the events or pictures (i don't think) but you do to comment. We use this site to keep in contact with our interns who served during the summer to keep them connected to events going on.

Our offical site is under consturction we are working on it to be up with information on it in early Feb. Many of you have asked about getting more information and such so in time it will be at your finger tips.

Also just a tidbit of thought. I continue to go to BSF where we sing hymn each week. As I grow to understand the words and pay more attention to them I love hymns more and more. I love praise music of all kinds and I am growing in deeper affection for the words of these hymns as they hold so many truths. Below is one that struck me this week.


How Firm a Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

forgive me

Oh my word I am horrible. I was doing pretty good it was about every week with a blog and there have been many blogs I have thought to write but they never get on here. There have been some changes in my Internet access so I haven't been able to be on as frequently as usual. And to top things off ministry has been so busy since my last post.


Now that you know all my excuses I will continue. I don't have a specific blog right now, sorry to disappoint. But God has done some amazing things in the last month and a half. Last time I posted was simply the beginning of the out pour of God's provision for the ministry. From the 6th of Dec. to the 31st we received as a ministry $22,000+ from 24 different donors. December is usually big but not this big. We had been in the middle of praying to see God work as some people were starting to worry because we had a few bills piling up and work to be done on the building. God showed up and then some. It is just incredible to see him work. On the 3rd of Dec. we went at a staff to the prayer hut at Cedarly Pastors retreat and prayer together for a whole morning and into the afternoon. It was so affirming to to the Lord's hand after we committed as a staff to continue to walk by faith in all that we do. Not that we had last faith but it was tough with people on every side trying to fix our 'problems' and Gods tardiness in there eyes.


We have begun planning for the summer already which is so exciting to think about I can't wait for it to be here. Some prayer things for that: wisdom for the locations we are to be doing wRap Kidz at as we feel they may change this year, for interns who are committed to the kids and ready to grow with the Lord, for wisdom in structural changes we feel we need to make, for a possible new middle school program, leadership for other discipleship ministry for young men, and for us to continue to have the faith to step out on new things God has for us!


We are working on our website which is wonderfully exciting, please pray that we would get it done in the steps we have laid out with the information and structure that will be honoring to the Lord and his work here.


Overall things are kind of finally in a lull. Since Thanksgiving there had been much to do with things that were donated which needed to be delivered. We had a wonderful turnout of new families who came and passed out the Wish List Christmas presents right before Christmas. It was an awesome day. Then I left to go to Mark's parents at 5am on Christmas day after we did Christmas with my family on Christmas eve. We were there until the 29th and we came home and had a pre-new years eve party with friends on the 30th as we would be gone for New Years eve. We left on the 31st in the morning to take students to Passion in Atlanta, GA. We arrived home from that on the 6th and we had a busy week back with stuff at work. We did a movie night last week and then had a board meeting, and groups come in to deliver sleeping bags and a coffee house on Saturday. So needless to say we have been busy.


Thanks so much for your prayers and support. I am hoping to be better at updating this now.