first week

Our first week went pretty well. We had training and then on Thursday we began wRap Kidz on Thursday. Our Marquette Park site was great both days. We had a great amount of kids coming and more coming each day. At that site we have a family that comes every day the mom, Rachel will be helping us with game time.

Our new site at The King Community Center, was crazy both days. We did not really know what to expect with this site. We are doing it at a park next to the center, the park is not part of the King Center. There are day care groups that come to the park and the center uses the park also. So, it was a bit of chaos both days trying to work around these other groups. We are praying about what we are supposed to do with this situation, we are only able to do it on Thursday and Fridays. It is a little hard to decided what we should do, whether we move it back to the Lazarus House. In addition to the other issues there is a little issue of safety at the King Center because older kids are around and such. We just need a lot of prayer as to what God wants.

Other prayer matters: we are trying to work with the interns who have been around for a few years understand the new changes (nobody likes change), our communication to the new head interns so we can help them develop and take the leadership, and lastly out groups that are coming in that we would be one as a body for the time they are here.

getting started

Well, we are just about to get under way with our summer. Our first day of wRap Kidz is next Thursday. We are getting so excited to get started this summer. We have many new things we are doing this summer and we have been planning and are ready to get going and try these things to see what works. Our training is on Monday thru Wednesday next and we are looking forward to see who shows up for interns.

I know this is a short post but we have been so crazy busy.

fire house

Yesterday we met as a staff as we usually do on Thursdays. It was really good to be together again, things have been conflicting and one of us can not make it or has to leave early. We fellowshipped and ate lunch together. We shared how God was moving and people shared about what he was doing and someone said they didn’t want be as involved with Wrap Kidz as they had been but felt called to pray. We affirmed her over and over, we need such daily prayer coverage. I also stepped up with some God had been laying on my heart to take on more of the administrative stuff because the person who was doing it was finding no joy in it. They joyfully gave it over. It felt amazing for people to be in positions God wanted them and equipped them to be in. As we began to talk about praying we decided to take a walk outside and pray in the neighborhood. We walked over to Marquette Park, one of our sites for Wrap Kidz. We prayed on the grounds for our neighbors there and for the kids who would come to be loved this summer and God moved. Right next to the park there is a fire house; it is city property that will be now used for community work. We have been praying for this building for about a year and different things have happened postponing us being able to use the building. About a month ago we began praying more fervently that God would again get the balling rolling that we would be able to use the building this summer for Wrap kids. We prayed over the building yesterday. This morning our co-founder signed the paper, the building is almost ours. We will be sharing with two other organizations that are doing work in the community.

In addition to this answer to prayer, God is doing something else. We have been praying for our interns for the summer, many of you have been praying as well. One of our prayer requests has been for the finances for these students as many of them are in position that they need to get jobs and pay for their lives. So, we have been praying for God to provide for this however he wants to, whether it is a job that coordinates with the hours of Wrap kids or Him providing through people as he does with staff. While our co-founder was at city hall this morning signing papers, the Mayor asked him some questions about what we do. Then asked that we write up our program and what life skills we a building into the kids and that he has some money to give us, $20,000. We would be able to use this money to pay our staff and interns. Praise God.

I am working on putting into writing what we do. Please pray that I would get it done and be able to articulate what we do in a way giving God glory and the details we need to get this grant. Also, pray that the other two organizations sign the papers soon so that we can has use of the fire house. We need to continue to pray ever though we see the answers.

update

It was about one year ago this month that I decided to make the move down to Racine and work with the Lazarus House. It is amazing to think that it has only been a year. It feels longer than that because I have seen the Lord do things I could have only dreamed a year ago. I know I walked into this path with my eyes only half open, honestly in the months before moving I didn’t fret about where the money would come from or how I would make it this past year. I am not sure what I thought would happen and I am not going to say that I fully trusted God; I know I had sketches of plans A, B, and C in my head. I couldn’t tell you what they were but I am sure I had some. As summer hit and I began to run out of the $2,000 I had saved to live off of ‘just in case’. I began to struggle with spending any money because I was unsure where the next amount was coming from. I began to freak out about how I could pay bills and have dollars in my bank account knowing rent would again be due on the 1^st. Then the Lord showed up. Or should I say I finally let Him take over and I began to see His majesty on display in each moment of my life. The blessings (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) were clear and I could not believe this was how I was called to live, what a privilege. In the last year I have: felt tremendous healing from suffering in my life, developed an openness to be in deep relationships again, mended current relationships damaged in the midst hurt, found a compassion I never knew I could feel for people whom are often shed in a negative light and cast aside, a new sense of wonder and awe as I am allowed to serve my creator, been provided material provision over my every need and many of my wants and seen thousands of answered prayers of my own, the ministry, and you. This letter could and should go on for pages. I want to share with you some miracles that only God could do this past year.

· $3115.92 for 12 months of Rent

· $776 for my cell phone

· $1512 towards my student loan

· A year membership to Curves for me to work out, paid in full by a dear friend

· $1300 in a variety of Gift Cards, money to pamper myself, money for dates for Mark and I

· A trip to DC to visit a dear friend and a trip to Atlanta for Passion ‘07

These financial provisions don’t include food, car expenses and a variety of other things! These are just the tip of the iceberg; I start with these because they are tangible and we often thank God for the good moments and the physical blessings, because they are easy to see.

Other blessings are: I am able to part of a staff that is more like a family. I have seen ministry miracles of financial provision after provision. We have seen God drawing the board and the staff on its way to being one body. God brought a plumber to us we have never met willing to do the work at a discounted price. We have recently cleaned out the building of things we have no need for much of it out dated and broken. Each time we go out into the community we are witness to numerous doors being opened and welcomed with hugs and smiles. There is no reason people welcome us other than God. God is also opening door among this city to allow us to use public parks to do Wrap Kidz in the summer, this summer we will be in two parks. We are witness to His strength when the days are long, tough. We are beginning to see more churches and individuals in our local community being open to the ministry and the neighborhood.

Being able to see God move in such a powerful way has broadened my view of who He is and draws me deeper in relationship with Him. We as a staff are adjusting many ‘programs’ because we see Him moving us to a new level ministry. We have always been a relational ministry with this neighborhood, but as God shows us more of his plan we need to move with it. We are in the midst going deeper on many levels with Wrap Kidz, youth mission teams, our interns, and the relationships God wants us to have in this neighborhood. It is an exciting time as we learn more of Gods heart. We are gearing up for a wonderful summer filled with 8 weeks of Wrap Kidz, 6 different youth teams, a new middle school program and intern spiritual formation time.

In addition to all of these preparations God has been teaching me so much. Lately, He has been teaching me about His gospel, the whole gospel. I am coming to really understand what I have known for awhile that the gospel is two fold, the salvation gospel and the social gospel, or being reconciled to God and being reconciled to man. Many of us have heard both but one is usually stressed more than the other. I think so often we embrace the salvation part and the social part of it is much too big for us or we think we are accomplishing it because we try to love those we work with or don’t get along with. When asked about the greatest commandment Jesus gives two of them, to love God and love your neighbor. We often say to love your neighbor as yourself but have we really thought about that kind of love and who our neighbors are? We have been reading a book as a staff called More than Equals. It is incredible and is truly changing the way I think about these things. Even though I work in the inner city many of our relationships with the people are not that strong (I know it takes time), but I have been here a year and have failed to make distinguishable friendships with any of my neighbors. Everyone is welcoming, yet we have not shared in meals together or done much together outside of us giving the ‘stuff’ or helping them out. These things are not wrong at all but my neighbors are so much more than simply needing things. I need their love and friendship in order to experience God fully and to embrace the whole gospel. In order to make disciples I must not simply be friends with people who look or act just like me but with people who do not. We bring people into relationship with God by loving those who are not like us. As I have been challenged with these thoughts I want to do something immediately, but I have realized that each moment I interact with someone else I am sharing the gospel with them if it truly a part of my DNA.

I know I got a little preachy at the end but the last few months have been more about God shaping me to more effectively live my life and be in ministry. Thank you so much for your support, I am humbled to be the subject of your prayers to our heavenly Father.

$1500, a dumpster, and Jamel

Well this week has been very eventful in my life. I have been struggling on how to share it because I feel like I am simply praising God because good things happen and I don’t like that. My faith is so much more than simply praise in the good times, I praise in the bad times in fact that is the only thing I want to do when I am having a bad day, but I don’t always feel like writing about those days in this blog. Sometimes I do share the ick but not this week.

The week began well knowing that at the end of the week 2 of my best friends in Racine would be leaving on the next leg of the journey in this life. On Tuesday I was at home in the afternoon helping Mark get his Chia Herb garden together. My phone rings and Donna shares with me that there is checking waiting for me for $1,500.00. I was excited and the people in the room with me didn’t need a briefing on the conversation because they heard every word loud and clear form both ends on the phone. This was a huge blessing, that morning I had paid rent and then prayed, “Lord you know my living situation is changing as of May 31^st and I have more bills due in the next couple weeks, do what you gotta do!” About an hour later I received this phone call, the miracle was already on the way prior to my prayer!

Yesterday was Saturday and we had a work/cleaning day at the Lazarus House. We filled a 30 cubic foot dumpster, the kind the use when they are gutting a house. I don’t just mean full but we are inches from the do not fill past this line. After much prayer and God’s wisdom we felt it was necessary to do this, we gave a lot of good stuff to Habitat Restore, and gave 9 appliances to a scrap guy in the neighborhood who will be able to make some money off of them. You the pick up trucks with scrap metal balanced up way past the cab, that’s who came and picked it up. But we are glad to be supporting the local economy. We had a small group from Waukesha come and do most the work along with a few random friends and Katy’s mom. It was a great day of bonding and CLEANING! If you have seen the building prior to Dec. 1^st 2006, you should come back and see it now, it is amazing. I believe that all of us as staff walked away feeling like a huge wait was lifted off of us and building. Mark said as we left, “I feel like I can breath in the building again!” We also were able to bless some families in the neighborhood with blankets, sleeping bags, treat bags, Easter baskets, and other random things as we cleaned yesterday.

As we were wrapping up for the day Jamel came by, he is my friend form the summer. It has been an interesting year as we get to see him every Monday and Tuesday morning as the school we go to and eat breakfast with the kids. You can tell the weekend it was rough from Jamel because Monday is not a happy day for him, sometimes he walks by without a ‘hi’ or a smile others he comes running up because he can’t wait to see us. When Jamel was by yesterday he asked about when Wrap Kidz is starting again. He had a friend with him who told me Jamel was telling lies as they walked over. Stories of how he would come and play legos with us, each lunch with us on a picnic table out back, and do yard work. His friend didn’t believe Jamel until he told the ‘lies’ Jamel told and I said, ‘Yeah those are true, Jamel hung out with us a lot.” The friend was quiet and then said, “Let’s go Mel!” Jamel said, “You can go I am going to stay here.”

It has been a good week. I can’t imagine what God has in store for next week. Even if it is not as amazing as this week, which I am sure it could be, I will still praise him.

Snot

So I am sick. I simply have a cold nothing big but it is annoying. I have been finally blowing my nose for about the last 16 hours. Don't get me wrong I am grateful that I am able to blow my nose and it isn't all stuffed up. But seriously I can not believe how much snot keeps coming out blow after blow. I know this is gross but I am just wondering where it all comes from.

must see

Amazing Grace: The Movie - The Official Movie Website

I never do movie plugs but this is a must see by all of you! It is very well done and the story is passionate and moving. It leaves you with the thought that you can make a difference and it may not be easy but we all hold the ablitiy to do it.

It is so moving so take some time and go see this movie.

That you MY KING would die for me!

I can't seem to keep up with life via my blog. It seems days go by and by but none go past without thinking ooh that would be a good blog. I have so many good entries in my head that never make it to this space. You may be glad that you don't have to read all of my thoughts.

I have been reminded lately through so many different places of how my relationship with God began and who was there and the moments in the beginning. Oh I am so grateful for those people who helped answer so many questions and simply encourage me along the way. I was in a class and we were talking about forgiveness and remembering the gratitude when you realize your sinfulness and truly how much Christ took upon the cross for us. I recalled the first moment I felt this surge of gratitude, we were on a winter retreat in a cabin in northern WI. We simply were hanging out with each other, there were probably 25 of us not too many and one night we had a time of worship, we sang Amazing Love. Some of the lyrics are as follows: Amazing love how can it be that you my king would die for me. This was the line that caught me and brought me to a place of gratitude for Christ death on the cross to forgive my sins. 'That you MY KING would die for me'. I remember at the end of the song blurting something out to everyone wanting them to experience the rush of emotion I was feeling and the grace that was falling down like rain upon me.

As, we are in this season of Lent I am looking forward to celebrating the death and Resurrection of my King once again this year. The newness that I feel each and every day because of his obedience to the Father. I know that I personally take so many things for granted my relationship with God is so easy to take for granted because of my selfishness. I often fail to feel the gratitude of being forgiven so much because I fail to see the depth of my sin. I know so often I walk around as if life is grand without a care in the world because I am a Christian and I give off this air that things are all in place because I am in a relationship with God. This is not an intentional thing I do but getting so comfy cozy with my life and how I have been blessed I don't think about how truly sinful I am. I have been reading in Leviticus (part of reading the Bible in a year) about all the offerings God required and when they must be offered to atone for different sins. There are offerings and God starts out says, "When a person sins UN-intentionally by straying from any of the commands of God, breaking that which must not be broken...when they realize it and become guilty(convicted) even though no one is aware... they should do X,Y, and Z with the priest to make atonement for their sin." Most of the time the sacrifice required an animal and then a whole sacrificial offering afterwards. My thoughts when reading this was I would have no animals left or time to take care of them because I would constantly be in the Altar making sacrifice to atone for my sins. I once again was filled with gratitude for the sacrifice Christ gave on the cross and the shed blood of a perfect Lamb of God for all of my sins. This Lent, I have been intentionally setting time aside to seek Him and once again be brought back to the depth of my unholiness apart from Christ in order to rejoice with gratitude and joy that My King would chose to save my from my sin and then use me in others lives. What a blessing to be used by him. I don't want to wallow in the gravity of my sin because I am made holy by God but we wash over this truth so often in the church because it is hard to live with a good balance of understanding the depth of our sinfulness and the unending grace God lavishes upon us time after time after time!

Again

Well this is something 2 posts in less than 24 hours. I have just added some links on the sidebar fro the Lazarus House. One is for our myspace account, you don't need to have an account to view the events or pictures (i don't think) but you do to comment. We use this site to keep in contact with our interns who served during the summer to keep them connected to events going on.

Our offical site is under consturction we are working on it to be up with information on it in early Feb. Many of you have asked about getting more information and such so in time it will be at your finger tips.

Also just a tidbit of thought. I continue to go to BSF where we sing hymn each week. As I grow to understand the words and pay more attention to them I love hymns more and more. I love praise music of all kinds and I am growing in deeper affection for the words of these hymns as they hold so many truths. Below is one that struck me this week.


How Firm a Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

forgive me

Oh my word I am horrible. I was doing pretty good it was about every week with a blog and there have been many blogs I have thought to write but they never get on here. There have been some changes in my Internet access so I haven't been able to be on as frequently as usual. And to top things off ministry has been so busy since my last post.


Now that you know all my excuses I will continue. I don't have a specific blog right now, sorry to disappoint. But God has done some amazing things in the last month and a half. Last time I posted was simply the beginning of the out pour of God's provision for the ministry. From the 6th of Dec. to the 31st we received as a ministry $22,000+ from 24 different donors. December is usually big but not this big. We had been in the middle of praying to see God work as some people were starting to worry because we had a few bills piling up and work to be done on the building. God showed up and then some. It is just incredible to see him work. On the 3rd of Dec. we went at a staff to the prayer hut at Cedarly Pastors retreat and prayer together for a whole morning and into the afternoon. It was so affirming to to the Lord's hand after we committed as a staff to continue to walk by faith in all that we do. Not that we had last faith but it was tough with people on every side trying to fix our 'problems' and Gods tardiness in there eyes.


We have begun planning for the summer already which is so exciting to think about I can't wait for it to be here. Some prayer things for that: wisdom for the locations we are to be doing wRap Kidz at as we feel they may change this year, for interns who are committed to the kids and ready to grow with the Lord, for wisdom in structural changes we feel we need to make, for a possible new middle school program, leadership for other discipleship ministry for young men, and for us to continue to have the faith to step out on new things God has for us!


We are working on our website which is wonderfully exciting, please pray that we would get it done in the steps we have laid out with the information and structure that will be honoring to the Lord and his work here.


Overall things are kind of finally in a lull. Since Thanksgiving there had been much to do with things that were donated which needed to be delivered. We had a wonderful turnout of new families who came and passed out the Wish List Christmas presents right before Christmas. It was an awesome day. Then I left to go to Mark's parents at 5am on Christmas day after we did Christmas with my family on Christmas eve. We were there until the 29th and we came home and had a pre-new years eve party with friends on the 30th as we would be gone for New Years eve. We left on the 31st in the morning to take students to Passion in Atlanta, GA. We arrived home from that on the 6th and we had a busy week back with stuff at work. We did a movie night last week and then had a board meeting, and groups come in to deliver sleeping bags and a coffee house on Saturday. So needless to say we have been busy.


Thanks so much for your prayers and support. I am hoping to be better at updating this now.

Praise God

I realize that what I am doing is different. This is not the first time I am making this statement. As I share my lifestyle, job and faith with people I always hope that the response will be different, that people will understand. I know that my lifestyle goes against the culture we are brought up as apart of in America. Mostly from Christians I hope that they will understand what I am doing and embrace it. I know I can’t expect that though. Don’t get me wrong there are people in my life that embrace what I am doing other than the people I work with. This has come up because just in the last few days as I have shared I have had more people try to fix my life. Try telling me what I should do to fix my financial situation and how I could be living ‘better’. Better always equals having a steadier, more consistent financial situation. I realize that I am part of this conversation also and I have a reasonability to share the ways God has provided and has been so faithful. Sometimes this doesn’t even work but I know I must be sharing in the miracles that God is doing. So let me share lest you think that my life is not as it should be…

About two months ago I received in the mail this flier for Curves for Women. It was a promotion to come in for 9 workouts over 3 weeks for 30 minuets each. Back about 8 months ago God told me that I needed to workout. I had tried a few things and nothing was working. I don’t think that I need to lose a lot of weight but more just be healthier. So, I signed up for this promotion, I really enjoyed it. Because I participated in promo my joining fee went from $159 to $29. Felt that God was opening the door for this because I went in the first place. I don’t normally do promo things. I lost about 4 lbs. over the three weeks. I was able to out on some pants that I hadn’t worn in awhile. One of my friends noticed and we began talking about Curves and she asked about the monthly rate and joining fee and how I was liking it. The following day was a hard day with family and she called to leave a message telling me she and another friend wanted to take me out to dinner and also that she wanted to pay for the year membership at Curves for me! Praise God. So I have been working out, I still really enjoy it and I feel better about myself. It is wonderful.

Another friend of mine also wanted to pay for my year membership, I shared with her that someone else already did it. She said well I know I am supposed to do something. A few days later she came back and told me she was going to pay for December rent.

This past Friday we were at our Directors house having dinner after shoveling and snow blowing the Lazarus House and their house. A funny noise was coming from the basement. Ron went down stairs and there was water all over, the water heater blew. They simply said, “God knew and has it covered.” Sunday evening friends were over and Ron joked about the water heater. As they were leaving the man asked what the deal was with the water heater. Ron shared and without hesitation the man said, “Go to Sears tomorrow and get the best they have and have them install it, bill me.” On Tuesday a brand new state of the art water heater was reinstalled into their house.

The ministry has been tight money wise, to the point of not being able to pay bills. Our board was starting to get worried. Yesterday we received $2800 for bills and current needs. Earlier in the week we received $240 also for bills and ministry needs. In a few days God provided for all the bills and then some!
This week someone also wrote me and shared they would be supporting me on a monthly basis. It was a letter out of the blue and ever so encouraging.

God doesn’t only provide financially!

God has provided about 100 people to adopt kids to buy them Christmas presents. Almost all the families were home to share this news with them. It was so encouraging to the families. We will have a Christmas party this Saturday to collect the lists and share the Christmas story with these kids and hopefully parents.

We are receiving Christmas dinners for some of our families.

Aside form the Wish Lists for kids we are also getting about 100 shoe boxes full of personal need items and a few presents.

One family we delivered a turkey to them at Thanksgiving. Over the summer a member of the family had a heart attack and then was recently laid off from work. As a family they made a decision to not celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. They purchased a few presents and that was it. So, when we brought the turkey, it was a big deal they were so grateful. She shared the story and we found out that they weren’t going to have a Christmas tree either. We know someone who collects older artificial trees, ornaments, and lights. We called her and shared the need, on Tuesday she came and together some staff and she delivered it to this family. It was an amazing moment with the family! We plan to take one of the Christmas dinners to this family also.

God has been is so good.

Yet he (Abraham) did not waiver in unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith being fully persuaded that God will do what He had promised!
Rom 4:20-21

learning

I have been neglecting this blog space. I am sorry for those of you who look here regularly to see how to pray and know what is doing in my life. I mist admit that life has been hard lately and I have not been living as if God is as big as He is. There have been many many blessings despite my unbelief. It is not that I have walked away from God or anything. It is just that I am allowing my circumstances to affect me too much. When it seems like a never ending sea of hurt around me and things happen not as I want them too, I get down and I lose my joy. I want to be gracious in the midst of tough circumstances and not let m emotions get so out of control. I know that it is okay to have emotions but the emotion that comes out most is anger or frustration that things are not going as planned or God is not coming through like I want him too. I know that all these things are in my life to make me more like Christ in the end. I am trying to be more like Paul in Philippians. I know it is an over used scripture.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:11-13

I have used this scripture much and I have been annoyed when it is taken out of context but it is the cry of my heart these days when so much is going on in life and it seems overwhelming and we want to fix things or see people not hurt anymore or truly rest in the knowledge of who God is and how big He is. I want also be like Abraham who had so much faith in God and His promises that His life showed it.

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” Rom 4:20-21

I want to be the type of person who in the midst of trials and hard moment’s people to see joy and faith in my life, not anger and sadness because things aren’t going my way. I want my faith in the promises of God to be the circumstance of life that my emotions follow.

PSALM 145
I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom

One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate;
slow to anger and rich in love.

The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might, so that all men may know
of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

breaking point

I am not sure how to start this post. I am coming to a breaking point. Life has been up and down lately. God has been teaching me so many things. Most of all He has been breaking me of the pride within myself. I grew up thinking that I could take care of myself, I could provide for myself, I could take care of myself and it’s all about me. I am so wrong in so many ways in this thinking. Growing up in a bigger family you fend for yourself some times because there are multiple people who need attention and care.

God has been working on me and the notion that I can do it by myself. He has brought me to a place where He has called me to fully rely on Him for all my needs, financial, emotional, and spiritually; to walk by faith. He calls us all to do that in different ways. I am sure some of you could point out other areas of pride in me but God is specifically working on this area right now.

I have been given many gifts in the past 5 months from many different people. I am so grateful for all the gifts given to me. It is nice to get gifts but when they come all the time and when they are your means of life it gets to be overwhelming, you being to feel like charity. This lilifestyles not easy but it is helping me learn to fully accept God’s grace. I remember reading in Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller about Grace: The Beggar’s Kingdom.

“It seemed wrong for me not to have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around. More than that, grace did not seem like the thing I was looking for. It was too easy. I wanted to feel as though I earned my forgiveness, as though God and I were buddies doing favors for each other.” He continues on to tell a story about encountering a woman in a store using food stamps to pay for her food. He had thoughts of how she was feeling and how he viewed people in ‘need’. He came to the conclusion that, “I love giving to charity, but I don’t want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace.”

As I walk by faith it is not that I expect people to come along side me and give gifts or money to me. Asking for help is very hard, and humbling to say the least. God has been showing me his grace in more ways then by simply forgiving my sins but by bringing me to a point where I can’t do anything apart from his love, grace and provision. I have always been able to work for my wages and in my relationship with God I can not work to earn His love and grace because I already have it. I know that Miller was talking about sin but I think many of us can relate to these thoughts of being forgiven of your sins, but what if God’s grace seeped into other parts of your life besides your sin? God's grace is already there but what if we began to live like His grace wasn't just covering our sin but covering US.

I feel like these truths are natural for the normal Christian and I feel odd writing about it but I know that I am being broken and experiencing His grace and love on a new level today.

amazed

Last weekend, Thursday 'till Saturday we had 2 different youth groups in. The time we shared was amazing. We had more kids than we could have hoped for. It was a really good two days of wRap Kidz. We had 65ish on Thursday in the rain showers and 50ish on Friday in the cold. Friday morning we gave 20 different enough hats and gloves for everyone and a bundle of books. It was fun to see the kids wearing their new gear to play in the afternoon. We also did our first movie night on Thursday and it was a huge success. The weather was not on our side all day Thursday but we had about 30 kids come out in the rain to walk to the Lazarus House on Thursday night to watch Over the Hedge with us.

It was a really good couple of days I am so grateful these two youth leaders wanted to come for those couple of days. I believe it really encouraged the community after the events of the week before. It helped them see we are here for the long haul and a shooting isn't going to send us packing. God is so good!

all work and no play

A while back my friend Tory posted an email about getting to jump rope at work. I to have had that experience. All the girls laughed at my because I couldn't do it. But yesterday we showed up at work to help dig/move some dirt out in the front lawn. We took out part of our parking lot to make for more lawn play area. Some people are coming back to finish the project this weekend but we needed to clean up a little. We were marking tools to be used this weekend and we went in the basement of the Lazarus House (which is now being affectionately called 'The Department Store' because we have so much stored... many old old bikes, a variety of old broken or out dated unhook up able appliances... some were collected by Ron and are worth money and other things donated). I must rant for a moment totally off subject. Why do people feel they can donate broken and very out dated items to ministries. We are supposed to be giving out first fruit to God not our beat up worthless broken crap. This has been bothering me lately. I am not saying don't donate or only donate new things but please don't donate clearly crap things please take them to the dump yourself.

Just as I got distracted by my thoughts yesterday we got distracted by some scooters we found. There were 4 of them and there were 4 of us at work yesterday. Who gets scooter around their place of business and around the block. I do, I do! Here are some pictures for your enjoyment...
Don't be jealous because I have the coolest job ever!
The Boss and his wife (Ron and Donna)


Ron Scootering

culture shock

Every once and awhile I am struck again with culture shock. I have not traveled 1000 miles away but I have been sucked into the christian world and when I come too I have culture shock. This may seem odd as I work in the inner city and one would think that I am cultured enough. The temptation to live in a bubble is so attractive to me and be naive to this world is so comfortable.

I will share with you a couple of instances in this past week that have caused me much shock...

The first was last Wednesday evening. I was at Outback doing my one shift a week and a guy about my age made a horribly crass sexual joke to his girlfriend (both employees). He then proceeded to follow it by a hand motion he laughed and walked away as if it was nothing. She did too in a sense. The male wants to be a manager he has gone through some training for it. Throughout the course of the night he sat around and watched others working as if he was too good to do a particular job. Both of us managers who were on duty wrote comments in the book. But I was caught off guard that this is the world I live in were crude and crass joking is simply okay, where laziness is a part of life and entitlement is a given (I don't have to do x or y because I am above that).

The following day Thursday last week there was a shooting about 3 blocks from where I work and about a 1/2 mile form my house. Not only was there this murder at 6:45pm on a Thursday in late Oct. But there were about 6 or 7 other reports prior to the murder of gun shots both on the north and south side of Racine and a fire. There was so much activity we had to call in surrounding communities to help with police enforcement, even the state patrol. The fact that the shooting was so early in the evening on a Thursday night means that the fighting is not over and causes red flags. Most crimes like this happen later and on the weekends and summer is a hot time because it is warmer. This shooting has affected the community we work with because we all got comfortable because things were starting to get better and now we must be on guard again. We do not even know the ramifications of this murder yet. We are doing wRap Kidz this week because of teachers convention and people don't feel safe so kids may not be allowed to come.

Then yesterday I was watching Oprah, as I do once and awhile, she had amazing moms on the show the contrast between the women was jaw dropping. They were women form all over the world, one was from Alaska were the milk she buys is $7.49 a gallon because it has to be flown in daily. The cost of living is so high because of there location. Another women in Norway gets a year off for maturity leave and can be spilt between husband and wife, free health care for the child for the first 7 years, and 10 days each (husband and wife) paid to use if there child is sick a year. And spanking is illegal. Norway is rated the best place to live to raise a family. Then we moved to Africa on woman had 10 children and worked as a transporter she carried things for people she carried 2 item the day they followed her and she made 65 cents. And she carried 100 pounds of beans a couple miles and a mattress piece about 2 miles. She fed 10 children on her makings for the day. She has also managed to put her 4 oldest children through primary school about 25 cents a day! The contrast is more than I can comprehend.

I feel like there was another story or incident that had grabbed my attention over the last week but I can not think of it. It is not that I think these issues don't exist or am naive to what is going on. When there are so many different circumstances happening in such a short time, my heart began to feel so heavy. I just want to fly away some days...take me know Lord. But I know that He has sent us into this world to be a light in the darkness and a voice for the injustice for His glory alone.

I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:14-23

(good)Will's

I went to Wills this weekend. I found 2 pair of pants and 2 tops. Over all it was a good experience. I am still getting over the feeling of grossness about the clothing but I am getting there. Thanks for all who were an encouragement to me about going.

I really have not much else to say. On the ministry front, we have 2 groups coming in that is keeping me quite busy. I am coordinating them and the schedules and getting ready for what kind of training we need to do with them. I am also making much progress on the curriculum front, it is a lot of fun. Who knew writing curriculum would be fun, I feel like God is bringing together many experiences in 2 different camps and doing Jr. high. Some times in those places you are like what am I doing here and now I am like, "ah, I didn't realize I learned this at camp, but it is so useful now."

P.s. Sorry to those of you who had a heartattack from my last blog, as I was writing I couldn't help myself it was prefect.

found it!

Well I have found it, the place I am getting married. The place is a glass house in Plane, IL. Probably only in my dreams but that is where I am going to live for a moment.

So the story goes like this...
For my birthday a couple months ago Marks parents gave me $50. This money was to do something nice for Mark and I. I kind of forgot about it and a couple weeks later Mark says to me "where is that money from my parents?" "In the bank about to be spent on bills." I replied. We then got in the car and withdrew the money because he was like that money is for us. Then he told me he had a plan for the cash. I was like okay, I kind of wanted to get my hair done or something to be honest. But I was kind of excited about a surprise from my boyfriend.

He told me it had to do with fall leaves changing and it was 2.5 hours away, so it would be a day trip. Alright, we began to try to fit it into our schedules (this month is CRAZY), it was not working so we were going to let it go and if it worked it worked and if not, we have a lifetime to do this thing. Thursday Mark had a very bad day, He said I need a break maybe we could spend our $50 tomorrow. It was about 1:30pm in the afternoon and you needed to pre-register for tickets. He took care of all the details and it was a go.

He told he wanted 10 guess of where we were going. I had not clue, I couldn't even guess. In the morning he called and told me that we would be outside a little and inside a little and that my shoes would be on and off and he still wanted guess'. My only guess with the shoe clue was a special kind of Chuckie Cheese (because you take you shoes off to play). This is how clueless I was. I am okay with surprises Mark doesn't think so, but I like them they make me feel wonderful, special, and warm and fuzzy inside.

So we are off it is 8:50am Friday morning. Mark got directions and we still had to turn around a couple of times because when there are corn fields as far as you can see in all four directions, my internal compass is broken. We made it on time for our 12 noon tour. We pulled into a visitor center that looks like a white barnesk building, I still had no clue. I knew the name now but it didn't ring a bell, The Farnsworth House. We looked at books in the gift shop and I now knew the building we were going to tour and I was excited and Mark was ecstatic.

We walked along a path in the woods for about 6 minuets and then came to a clearing and there stood the most beautiful house ever!


A glass house! Oh my word it was so amazing. It stand 5'3'' off the ground because it is on a flood plane. There is a river right behind where this picture is taken. The grounds are beautiful as well. I had seen a picture of this house and thought it looked cool, but in person it is breath taking. Our tour guide was really good as well. We like to tour homes, most tour guides (docents) are kind of arrogant and stuffy. This guy was very casual and real and he acknowledged us, which is a first because we are usually the youngest by about 20+ years so no one talks to us. The house was designed by Mies van der Rohe for a single women. It was a weekend home very minimalistic. It is floor to ceiling glass walls, 22 panes in all. They are connected by white steal beams. As we are on the tour he is telling us about the house and different things and then he says and people can rent it out for weddings! My heart sank and I was like yup that's me, this is the place. And then Mark got down on... Just kidding!

It was a great day. We had a good time together. The house is breath taking. And the fall leaves make it even more remarkable.

This is a view from the back. It was a wonderful day.

One more detail, on the way home we still had $10 left from the day and we had a pumpkin carving bonfire to go to last night. So we stopped along the side of the road at this little pumpkin place and picked our own pumpkins. They were really nice ones too. We each got 2 pumpkins for $10. I will get more pictures up when we get them developed. Mark took a bunch of pictures of the house too. For more pictures of the house or information about it you can go to: http://www.farnsworthhouse.org/


pictures are from flickr.com

warfare

Today there were reports of N. Korea testing nuclear warfare. This weekend we as a staff experienced spiritual warfare. This is not the first time for this experience and it was not the worst but it made us take a look at it again. It was a good reminder that what we are doing is so much bigger than we are and that we are up against a spiritual battle.

We had a wRap Kidz buddiez event this weekend, our first of this season. We had a handful of buddiez there and the kids that came had a blast and had a ton of one on one attention which is amazing. We will not call this event a failure because of the warfare we experienced. We communicated to our buddiez the importance of their commitment and the details for this event. We were faced on Saturday hours before the event with questions of where we were meeting and some buddiez failed to bring lunch for their kids which was asked of them.

As we talked on Saturday and have had Sunday to cool down and think about our frustrations I know that some of what we experienced is because of the age of some buddiez, the result of volunteers, and some spiritual warfare. We realize that some of our buddiez are too young and the responsibility and the drama of high school can get in the way. We do also see the spiritual aspect of this being much greater. In this mentor program we see some troubled kids blossom and calm down and other kids become really serious about Christ. This is the way lives will be changed, we know that wRap Kidz is effective in reaching kids and turning the soil and planting seeds but it is in the one on one relationships that can only come from relationships like these that will truly cause the lives of these kids and eventually the community to change. This is the same with church activities and youth leaders pouring into kids or small groups.

Satan attacked in so many ways, we felt defeated as a staff (which we soon realized and were victorious in Christ), our buddiez were defeated through failed commitments, life distractions and circumstances, and the kids lost out big time. We again came back and concluded that we need to pray more. We communicated clearly and did as much as we could without holding hands, but we failed to pray enough for our volunteers and the kids.

We have groups coming in to serve in a few weeks we are so excited about them. One is a junior high group who has never been here before and are going to get there feet wet and the other is veteran senior high group who encourages us so much each time they come. We need to cover them in prayer for their hearts and the ways they will be serving. We can only be victorious in Christ and His power.

I guess as many of you ask how you can pray for me and us as a staff, this is how. We need prayer to not be defeated in the things God is asking us too and that the people God wants to serve and give to this ministry are not defeated in the things God is asking them to do.

You saved $9.20

These are my most favorite words to hear these days. Many adjustments have been made since living on my own. The best piece of mail I receive each week is the Pick n Save flyer. I love the 10 for $10 not that I ever would need 250 freezie pops but 25 are only a $1. Or 10 boxes of microwave popcorn, not that I wouldn’t love that. Mark has joked about getting the Sunday paper simply for the coupons. He has saved over the cost of the Sunday Journal Times when he has used coupons. Secretly I want it, too! And Wednesday are double coupons days at Pick n Save. $$$ Other deals at Pick n Save are pretty swell too, lots of BOGO’s on good things. My Shopping list for the most part is made up of BOGO’s or 10 for 10 deals.

I love this, lest you think I am suffering for having to work so diligently to save money. I don’t feel as if I am penny pinching, I am simply being practical and I feel wise with the money God blesses me with. I have made a commitment every time God blesses me with money I get something special for myself, something I wouldn’t normally buy. One time I got Claussen Pickles (these are my favorite) and this past week, after anonymously receiving $100 from someone, I purchased frozen single serve Cinnamon Rolls ready to eat in 60 seconds. I am excited about these.

My latest and greatest deal thus far was yesterday. In the weekly advertisement was 32oz. Tres`eme Shampoo for $1.89 each. What a steal! I got 2 shampoos and 2 conditioners for $7.95, I saved $9.20. Amazing. Earlier this summer in an attempt to save I went to Sam’s and got big bottles for $6 each, I thought I was saving. Yesterday I got twice as much for $4 cheaper. Jackpot!

I know these things seem silly and could maybe give me an ulcer, but I love it I feel so rich and privileged. I have said before that “I feel as if I live in a condo on the lake.” I don’t, but I love my apartment and truly feel it is a gift from God. I still sit in awe at how cheap it is for me and how beautiful and nice it is. You may not feel that way when you walk in my door, but I love it, love it, love it!

I have been praying lately that God would help me be okay with Goodwill and Rummage sales. Not that everything I wear or own should or will come from these places. It is not that I want to shop at Pottery Barn or Macy’s but I kind of think they are gross to be honest. I used to feel like it was like wearing someone else’s underwear. I have no idea what that is like but I can imagine it is GROSS. God is helping me be content with it being gross and He is helping me to be content with those means of getting clothing and ‘things’. I was always jealous of people who could say, “Goodwill $3.00” or “Rummage 50 cents”, and it was a nice leather jacket or cute pair of jeans. I know that God desires for me to treat myself once and a while, He is not into pity parties by any means. But being thrifty is being wise, too.

I asked my friend Michelle to go with me next time I have a little money and help me find the good things at Wills (aka Goodwill). I am getting excited about this adventure and I am still praying God would help me get over my grossness fetish.