holidays...my family

so, every holiday i get excited for the event. i some how think it is going to be different and we will have fun and make this great memory. most years/ events i am let down. i am not sure of the hype of these special days anymore.

this thanksgiving i woke at 7:59am in grand rapids, mi. i didn't set an alarm my body thankfully just woke up. i turned behind me to look out the window to see, snow, lots of snow. i got ready and got my things together to leave. i was nervous to drive home in the snow. by the time i was ready the snow had stopped falling for the most part or so i thought. i got my car loaded and mark got up and helped me clean off my car and explained the directions. i got in the car wishing with all my heart i didn't have to go home and i could go to detriot with him for the weekend.

i began driving found the gas station and the freeway just fine and the roads weren't really that bad. i hit some bad pockets of snow falling and blowing at the same time, leaving little to no visibility. i talked myself through them, literally. harry potter and his friends keep me company the whole way home.

i arrived at my sisters with time to spare. i relaxed a little and then the rest of my family began arriving. we ate at about 3:30pm. there were 16 people downstairs and 12 upstairs at her brother and sister-in-laws house. i helped get the table sat and food out. then i sat very quite at the table and ate. none of my siblings really talk to me much.

i think it is wierd these days. it has gotten better with my family as we are older now with the 16 years age gap between oldest and youngest. but since i became a christian life with my family has simply been wired. no one really knows what to talk to me about for fear that i will bible thump i think, but i have never been like that. i will talk about church and my faith a little, i'll bring it up randomly and i see people get uncomfortable so i stop. i am not one to get on the table and preach to them. it is not like that with my faith. they all walk on egg shells around me. i don't like it but i am not sure how to change it. they brought up mark and wondered where he is and why i drove to grand rapids for such a shor time, it is rediculous they tell me. i don't think the time was wasted at all. i tell them he is at home with his family. i really don't think my family likes him all that much. it bothers me a lot. i can't understand what they don't like. it is probably less dislike and more of the fact that they really don't know him. and also the fact that none of them have ever dated anyone who lives at any distance or that his/her family lives in another state or even a couple hours away. i am different in that way too.

my one sister and brother are both kind of into art, not that it draws people together but there is a common thread. i think more than anything it is the fact that he works at a church. they don't know what they can or can't say around him or if they'll offend simply by their lifestyles. it amazes me that how much the way i live simply is different and offensive to my family. i realize also that it is not really me but more so the holy spirit working in their lives and convicting them without me having to do much, except live a life affected by the cross. the choices i make are different and the way i live is different. i am still a part of the family and long to belong adn be friends with them.

i guess in the end it is not such a bad thing that i don't fit in just the way i want to.