how does it happen ...

how does it happen that you can sit with 12-14 women for about an hour every week and feel like you don't know any thing about them. i have been struck lately by the thoughts of community and connectedness simply because i feel my life lacks it. it is not necessarily my fault it lacks connection but through some changes that were made in a place i belonged. i made the choice to leave so i do take responsibility but i also feel as if i stayed in this place it would not have been the same. so i chose to utilize another place to find some sort of connection, this group has a ridged schedule begin at 9:10am and end at 11:10am, in between these two hours is more scheduled time markers to begin other parts. at 10:17 the piano stops and the speaker begins. i am all for structure, but in a bible study this seems a bit odd to me. there is no room for the spirit to lead or connection to be made because the time spent together is driven by time dead lines.
i sat an wondered last week, as i sat alone in a pew waiting between the discussion time and the speaker, how many of the other 350 women attending feel the same way or do they like going here because they don't need to be open and get into the lives of others. i must stop for a moment a mention that i do know some people from the past that attend this study but have not made any new connections. it seems this way with all the women talking, they new each other before. there is no attempt to make new connections or get out of your comfort zone. i also realize as i write and rag on this organization that i have some responsibility to meet new people. i need to work on that.
jesus constantly went to different towns and places i am sure he had to meet people he didn't know. this may be a little different because he was god and knows us all already. but what if jesus in the flesh had a little anxiety about going up to the woman at the well and talking to her when he was not supposed to or telling her something she may not have wanted to hear. jesus constantly went out of his box of comfort to confront, love, and connect with all people. jesus was and is god, but he was also fully man and he can relate to all of our feelings and stresses because he has been their before. what if he wasn't obedient because he was scared? or he was restricted by someone keeping a ridged immovable schedule.
before i end i must point out that i understand why a few of these rules are in place within the organization, women like to talk and if you don't cut them off they might not stop, i know this first hand, also i do realize that there are over 100 different churches and faiths represented by the 350 women within this organization, they do not want us to get caught up in debating issues that make us stray from learning directly from scripture. i understand these rules based of these issues, it doesn't help me feel connected to the women i sit with and share things god is teaching me. it is great that we are bound by the blood of chirst despite our particular beliefs that might not be matters of first importance.
overall this bible study is good, i enjoy the teaching it helps me learn more right from scripture. i just wish it allowed for more personal connection with others. and i wish i could be as obedient as jesus in talking to others i don't know and might be risky to me!