not even a hint.

wow so many things are going on and yet not all that much. i really didn't expect to feel this let down after college graduation. everyone asks the million dollar question, "now what?" and my answer is well i have two jobs and i am looking at things. there is a sense of loss which has been a theme in my life for the last 7 months. the lord gives and the lord takes away, blessed be the name of the lord.

i know he is making to into someone cool but the process right now is not jiving with me. i have been able to control my emotions a bit better lately, i am getting back to feeling happy. the winter really does things to me. i think i have that sadd thing, seasonal a------ disorder. but it is where you get down when the weather is bad.

i have been getting a lot out of the bible lately. i have been trying really hard to connect with my savior again and i feel a flicker of light for the first time in a long time that has been growing into a flame slowly over the last three weeks. that makes me feel better. god is good and in control with my best interests in mind.

the last thought that has been plaguing my mind lately is this... as a christian does anyone else find themselves laughing at things that aren't funny or rather shouldn't be funny? i mean things that are horribly inappropriate but not completely pure. these things for me are usually jokes of the sexual manner. they are funny sometimes hilarious in the worlds eyes, but christ calls us to have not even a hint of sexual immorality. i know what the right answer is we should watch it or part take in them... but a part of me seems that is too legalistic, not because i want to keep laughing at these things or want to devalue sex or people, but i feel like we need to keep a light heart without being in it. being in the world but not of it has a fine line that may be different for all. i am not saying this because i want to partake because i know my self and i know what not evena hint means for me and believe me i don't take it lightly but where is the line...?

okay enough rambling.

this is completely random. i could write forever, there is a lot on my mind but i think it is geeky to write 4+ blogs in one night.