passion

well, i am home after travels for about two weeks. the first part was good and relaxing and the last part was healing and encouraging. from jan. 2nd through the 5th i was at passion '06 in nashville. mark and i went down with 13 other young adults from grace and came back with 14 (this was planned we had to pick one up at the airport). it was an incredible time of healing for me.

as i think upon the last year of my life, i can sum it into a few words: hurt, stretching, and questions. i have spent the majority of this past year questioning god. i began the year with indescribable feelings for a dear friend and i kind of am ending with indescribable feelings towards that same person, but wondering how i am so blessed in midst of the pain of the last year. in the midst of this relationship that happened to me i went through some difficult changes this past year which left me question Gods character, which by the way in unchanging. who am i to question.

i went to passion knowing that i was about to be kicked in the butt. monday night i cried throughout worship. being in a place so saturated by the presence of God atfer months of draught, i felt as if a wildfire was about to begin. i am glad for that. there were 18,000 total about 3,300 leaders and about 14,700 students from all over the world gather in one place from one purpose. with very gifted and passionate worship leaders and speakers who would have thought that college students could be so passionate about the one who created them.

over the days it got easier to worship my savior. it felt funny at first after being numb for so long, letting go of all of that was difficult. i discovered there is still hurt and i can't simply say i am better and that means i am, but i am getting there. i also sadly realized that i forgot the our God is a good God who loves me dearly and that he ordained the events of the last year to happen in order to mature and complete me into the woman he wants me to be. suffering is part of my life in Christ. i am happy to suffer because he suffered for me. my suffering is meant only to show his glory to other people.

i have to say i am sorry if i did not display his glory in the midst of my suffering. i forgot. that is no excuse to the creator of all but it is a start. i found answers to questions i had about why things happened. nothing that tells me how my pain will be used in the life of others but i know that he loves me and delights in me and that my suffering is not in vain it is to display his glory, because he is a big God and i am a small love of his life.

scripture tells us that our suffering is for his glory...
Rom 8:17
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Phil3:10-11
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

In James 1:2-4 it says...
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

as much as events of last year stunk i want more than anything to be the woman God created me to be and is making me into. on the end of my old email address there were two quotes, i never changed them becauseevery time i went to do it, they once again struck a cord with me.

God knows what He is doing with my life and yours, TRUST HIM. He is busy making you and I into people no one else has ever been before.
-Beth Moore

God has the right to interrupt my life. He is Lord. When I accepted Him as Lord, I gave Him the right to help Himself to my life anytime He wants.

-henry blackaby

this is my heart beat once again.